On That Night (stream of consciousness writing)

One night upon starting a conversation with this man I learned of his interests for the opposite world the opposite sex you mean I asked as we sat beside the railroad track on that night a night where it seemed like it could go on forever it could just freeze and remain pure and crisp in our minds and hearts and it was on this night that I knew who this man really was because the door had been opened and on that night when I had asked that question trying to make clear the statement I knew that that wasn’t what he had meant I could tell by the look in his eyes that night a look I had never seen before but then again I never knew this man until that night this man had been changed by some incomprehensible event that he didn’t even comprehend and as I sat there trying to comprehend what he couldn’t I just gave up and looked up at that night sky and on that night after I knew that the answer to my question was no without even hearing a word from him I laid down on the railroad track to sleep it was no use to me what he had said on that night where I had made my final decision that I was giving up and moving on giving up life because actually I had never really had it I didn’t want to know about his interests for other worlds other realms of being even his interests in Cairo which was a great city he had once said on an earlier morning when we had sipped our coffee and discussed politics and he also mentioned that I would have to go there with him sometime and so I didn’t want to know about any place else but my little apartment in the city where I tried to live I didn’t want to know of any place that I didn’t already know of because I didn’t want to have a reason to stay and on that night when I had tried to lay down on those tracks the tracks I had sat by and wrote poetry as a child he took my hand in a motion that contained many words many pleas for me to stay to stay in my life not to fade out and give up but to stay and see these other worlds with him but I couldn’t stay I had to let go I couldn’t hold onto this life I couldn’t hold onto his hand and in those few seconds I knew that it was no use I had always been a fool for love and that touch reminded me of what we had had and it also showed me what we could have and so on that night that night where I was so close to giving in to the world I gave into him this man who I really only met tonight but had loved all of my life and I had given in to the hope of there being more out there than my life and it’s surroundings maybe if I would have given into life and just blacked out I might have found some god some christ like the books always had said I wanted that comfort I wanted to believe that if I gave up I would find something better and that’s why on that night I had decided to give in I wanted to be embraced by some messiah but then again how did I know that giving up wasn’t total darkness and that the stories of christ and god weren’t all made up so that the weak human race would have something to hold on to to believe in so that they wouldn’t give up so they wouldn’t stop like I had wanted to on that night before this man had touched me and had opened my eyes so that they would see the dirt beneath my feet so that they would see the tall trees around us so that they would see the city off in the distance with it’s lights and pollution so that they would see that all of it had a purpose and that my life had a purpose whether a god put it there or I put it there that it had a purpose all the same that the great story of mankind and life wouldn’t be complete without my little page and this man opened my senses on that night and I felt the breeze breath softly on my face and I could taste the salt in the air coming off from the ocean and I could hear the silence in the air I could actually hear it and at that moment on that night I could actually feel life I knew it was real I could actually imagine wanting to go to Cairo or catching glimpses of other realities or even living I felt my will stronger than I ever had before and I knew that I could make it anyone could make it no one actually ever had to surrender their life if their will was strong enough they could still continue in other ways and on that night next to that man I decided that I wanted to continue I knew love I knew him and I knew myself and so on that night I stared up at the stars with my hand in his and the sky was as perfect as I had ever seen it and on that night next to this man who I was touching who’s eyes were as blue as the lake behind my house the lake I had always adored in my youth and who’s hair was a dirty blonde that would remind me of the days spent on the sands of the beach who’s cheeks were rosy and blushed with a passion for life who’s smile warmed my soul and on that night I asked that man sitting next to me holding me under the perfect sky I inquired for him to tell me about his interests in Cairo in other worlds and in love.


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